Dude seriously? You're gonna cook. Well shit. Turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese. The homemade kind, not the blue box kind. Rolls. That pink salad shit? With like marshmallows and cherries in it? Apple pie. Ice cream. Pumpkin pie with real whipped cream. Pecan pie.

[Considers the list he just gave you] I can help. I can stir shit and take it out of the oven for you.

Like a pirate? Did you have a peg leg or eye patch?