Sammy f*%$ked up | Heaven

[dudeimbatman]

Something has been eating at Sam for weeks (maybe longer but time in Heaven is weird). Dean had prodded at him several times, but Sam hadn't opened up. Dean had finally decided that Sam would talk to him when he was ready. Dean is cleaning up the bar when Sam steps in. He can tell by the look on his brother's face and his body language that something is up. He reaches behind the bar, grabs a couple of cold beers, pops the tops on them, and pushes one toward Sam. "Dude, you do realize we're in Heaven and ninety percent of your problems can be thought away."

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[dudeimbatman]

There's a lot that could go wrong. Of course, if Sam never gets his memories back, he'll never know that anything went wrong. When Sam gets back to Heaven, Dean will know and he thinks that might break him. Of course, it would also mean that his brother could continue with a normal Heaven that's actually Heaven for him if he didn't remember Ruby. Dean takes a deep breath, scrubbing at his face while he tries to process that. "And it's a risk you're willing to take?" Dean isn't judging and while the idea of Sam never remembering him scares him he's trying to keep that out of his tone of voice.

Dean nods a little. "So it's a one-time deal. Once you get back, that's it? And you'll let it go?" He's not completely on board, but he's trying to be supportive and wrap his head around it.

[weirddreams]

That all is true. There is a sense in Sam's core being that doesn't think that will come to pass though. There's too much of a bond that lies between Dean and himself as well as Ruby and himself. There is a sense that something will jog his memory somewhere down the line even if he can't say it is for certain. Heaven without Ruby at the end of this possibility is just something he'd deal with when it came too. It's easier to kick those thoughts down the road. He acknowledges Dean's distress quietly and answers his question with a nod. "As far as I'm concerned, it's the only chance I have to be happy again." That's not to discount Dean; it's just to say Ruby's absence wears heavy on his heart.

He smiles barely. "Those are the terms I have to agree to anyway."

[dudeimbatman]

Dean takes a sip of his beer then mutters 'fuck it' and gets up to retrieve the whiskey from his office. He brings it back with two glasses, pouring a little for himself, but leaving Sam's empty. If Sam wants some, he's more than welcome to it. He takes a sip and breathes out. "Okay. I get that." He says, nodding a little, mulling everything over. "I do. I get it. I hate it...I wish you could be happy here with Madison or Jess or...hell anyone." Yes, they both know Jessica has her own relationship she's happy in. "It sucks balls and if you show up and don't remember me, I'm going to smack the crap out of you until you do."

Dean nods a little. "So they told you it was a one-time deal? When do you go?"

[weirddreams]

"Dean, where are you going?" Sam knew better than to follow Dean if space was what he wanted. They could talk more later if need be. He looks at Dean equally as surprised when he returns with the whiskey in hand, wearing almost the same expression of surprise and what the hell as before. "Dean, listen. If there was any other way I knew, I would try it first. I don't know how else to ease into telling you. You know where lies get us. I thought I would just be honest from the start." He shakes his head as it's not possible to return to Madison or Jess. He had his chance with Jess when he first arrived in Heaven but the two of them had grown to be different people in opposite worlds. Jess would always be in his heart, but not come close to Ruby. He nods accepting those terms from Dean. "Alright. But I'm limiting you to a few hits a day. Anyone in their right mind would be scared of you if they didn't know you."

"Once I reach Ruby. That's the other half of this. Right now there is no set time frame."

[dudeimbatman]

Rather than answer, Dean grunts and gets his whiskey. "Bitch, you don't have to ease into tell me and I'd be pissed if you lied to me. Like I wouldn't notice when you didn't show up one day," he glares at Sam. "Major head trauma might bring your memories back. You don't know." He takes a sip of his whiskey and manages to look surprise. "Me? I'm a teddybear."

Dean nods a little. "Just...keep me updated. I don't want to be surprised you're gone one day."

[weirddreams]

"Have you met you?" There are some words he'd instantly regret saying and these ones only partially make him regret it. "Listen, I was never not going to tell you. But if you told me the same thing, I'd probably want to sit down and have a drink before I even knew what you wanted to talk about too. Come on, Dean, you don't really think I'd just vanish without a word one day. Honestly, I was kind of hoping for your...blessing." With a sarcastic tone to Dean's idea of how to help him regain his memories should he come back without them, "That sounds great. More than likely I'll become a vegetable." He has nothing to add about Dean claiming to be a teddy bear other than trying not to react beyond his standard 'uh huh' skepticism.

"Cas should have word any day now." He's still hoping Ruby will come around on her own without undue influence.