dudeimbatman | Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

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Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

"You gonna call her?" Sam asked.

"Said I would," Dean answered.

"Well...you ought to."

"Sammy...shut up."

In response, Sam had shoved his earbuds in his ears and turned up his music. Right now he had his forehead against the passenger window pretending to be asleep. Dean fished his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and dialed Brooke's number. He wasn't mad. He hadn't been lying about that. He was hurt. He knew why but he didn't understand it. He hadn't been lying about wanting to get a jump on the research. That part was true too. The real reason he didn't want to go back and talk to her face to face right now was because he didn't know how to handle this. He didn't know what the hell he was thinking or feeling. He waited for Brooke to pick up the phone and hoped this wasn't Dean Winchester, screwing up.

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"Why do you think it matters, Brooke?" Dean asked.

Okay he was avoiding the question by making her guess but he wasn't hanging up. It was something.

Brooke sighed. She didn't want to guess. She'd guess stupid and she'd guess wrong. "You tell me."

Dean shook his head. The words stuck in his throat. Talking wasn't Dean's strong point. At least not talking about anything that mattered. He took a deep breath and decided to take the round about way to telling her. It took longer but it was a lot easier than coming right out and saying it.

"One time Sammy I hit on this Dijinn. People were disappearing and so we went hunting it. Sammy was asleep and I figured out where it was so I went without him. He doesn't always sleep a lot. Anyway...Dijinn's don't grant wishes. They just make you think they grant them when really they hang you up on some meat hooks and drain your blood little at a time, only you never know it. You think you're in the world with you greatest wish coming true. So this Dijinn touches me and my whole the one thing I wished was Mom hadn't died. I thought if she hadn't died, we'd have this perfect apple pie life," Dean started. He took another breath, pausing for a moment before continuing.

"I thought Dad would be happy and Mom would have been there and Sammy would be in law school at Stanford, married to Jess. And it was like that...sort of. Dad died of a stroke playing softball. He was happy and Mom was...she made the best sandwiches I've ever had and Sammy was at Stanford Law and he'd ask Jess to marry him." Dean paused again and swiped at his eyes.

"I even got something out of the deal. El Sol beer used to have this ad with this pretty girl lying on a beach. In that wish, she loved me. She was a nurse and she wanted a future with me. She wanted a family with me."

He shook his head, a bitter twist coming to his mouth before he went on. "Of course as fucked up as I am, I couldn't leave well enough alone. I kept seeing this girl. She looked half dead and I started researching. All those people we saved...they died because Sam and I weren't there to save them. All the people Dad saved...they died. And Sam and I...we talked on holidays and birthdays."

He stopped and glanced over at Sam. He could see the muscle in Sam's neck jumping and he knew he wasn't asleep but it didn't matter anymore.

"So anyway...I left and there are things about my life that I wouldn't trade for anything but that doesn't mean that I don't still want other things."

"I know that," Brooke said. She wouldn't to argue about him not trading his life for anything, but she couldn't help but remember that he would. He would trade it for his brother's, and he already had.

And she wanted to ask him what that had to do with her. He wanted a pretty girl and a family. She was pretty, she had a family. That didn't mean it had to be her.

"What do you want?"

...oh yeah. She was going to make him say it. Dean leaned his head back and stopped just short of a sigh because Dean Winchester didn't sigh. Instead it comes out a grumble.

"God dammit, Brooke. I want Matthew. I want you. I even want the damn friggin' dog. I want my freak brother living in the guest room. I want to do my job and I want to go back to you and Matthew when it's all said and done. And I don't want it to be some frickin' dijinn or wish world or what the fuck ever else. I want it to be real."

"The life, but..." Brooke trailed off. She was fighting back tears because it was silly to cry over something like this. Maybe he wanted what she did, she couldn't tell. It was too soon to and maybe she just hoped for too much when he was around.

"I want someone who wants me. Not because I should come with the package. You have these ideas about what your perfect life is. You look at me and I know what I am. I'm Matthew's mom." She sighed. "I want someone who wants me on my own."

"You're also a really awesome weekend five years ago," Dean tried to joke.

"Matthew or not...if you wanted me to stay and you'd let me do my job. Let Sammy stay with us, I'd want it." He paused and held his breath for a moment.

"There's a reason out of all the women, I came to see you after I got out of Hell."

"Because I'm a really awesome weekend five years ago," Brooke reminded him. "I know."

"No," Dean told her. "I had a lot of really awesome weekends I could have picked from. You-care and...dammit. I suck at this shit."

"Um yeah, you do," Brooke agreed. She couldn't not now that he had established her awesome weekend wasn't exactly more awesome than any other one he'd had.

"Yeah, well this is what happens when you let me talk," Dean responded. He blew out a breath through his nose. "I say it and your gonna toss my ass out. That's how it goes. I don't say it and you're gonna toss my ass out. I can't win, Brooke."

"You think I can?" she asked him dryly. "I told you about Lucas as look at where that got us."

"Fine. You kick my ass out, you kick it out," Dean growled. "Dammit...Brooke...I love you. I'll pick up the rest of my shit when we get back."

Brooke was stunned into silence at Dean's words. As far as she understood, Dean and Sam didn't even admit to loving each other unless they had to. "Dean--" she started, but she couldn't find anything to say. He'd given her that and now it was hard to process.

"What?" He was cranky, grumpy and waiting for the iron skillet to hit him in the head. He had no doubt it was coming. That was the way this shit worked. Or worse yet, she'd end up dead. Wouldn't that be just a barrel of laughs. Maybe he'd be able to sell Sammy to get her back.

"I..." Suck at this, she probably should have said. But instead she kept trying. "If it's like how it is with Lucas and Peyton for everyone, if we all get one person that fate and shit put us with that we're supposed to have, I hope it's you. Me and you."

That was the last thing he expected her to say. It almost left him speechless. Almost. There were a thousand things he could say, probably should say but he figured warning labels ought to be recited in person.

"Yeah...me too."

For just a little while he could let himself believe that he could have the dream world, minus the death and blood sucking. He could things the way his dad and his mom would have and he could still hunt.

"Good," Brooke whispered. She cleared her throat and tried to figure out what else there was to say. "Are we okay?"

"Sweetheart, we're awesome," Dean smirked. It seemed like a pretty good bet at this moment that she wasn't going to kick him out when he got back.

"It's going to be a tough week for Matthew," she said, moving away from any talk of them. They were good now, she didnt want to screw it up. "He's used to you being here."

"Yeah..." Dean nodded as he thought about that a moment. "I'll call him every day, more often if I can. Maybe after school and when he's going to bed. He'll get used to it and coming back will make up for it. Dad used to be gone a lot and the best days were always the ones when he came back."

"He'll be over the moon when you come home," she agreed. "He's already talking about it. And Claire mentioned cooking a big dinner. Sam must be doing something right that I don't want him doing at all."

"I'll have to give him the Chris Hanson talk," Dean chuckled a little. "Dinner would be nice. Sammich and I usually end up in diners and eating out of vending machines and I'm gonna miss the Little Dude. You be careful while I'm gone, alright?"

"Please do," Brooke muttered. She nodded at the comment about being careful, even though he couldn't see it. "Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

"Yeah...well...the people I care about usually end up dying," Dean said quietly. After a second he he bounced back, trying to lighten the mood."And I really don't think selling Sammy will get you and Matthew back so that leaves selling the Impala's soul and that will leave me a broken, broken man."

Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

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