dudeimbatman | Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

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Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

"You gonna call her?" Sam asked.

"Said I would," Dean answered.

"Well...you ought to."

"Sammy...shut up."

In response, Sam had shoved his earbuds in his ears and turned up his music. Right now he had his forehead against the passenger window pretending to be asleep. Dean fished his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and dialed Brooke's number. He wasn't mad. He hadn't been lying about that. He was hurt. He knew why but he didn't understand it. He hadn't been lying about wanting to get a jump on the research. That part was true too. The real reason he didn't want to go back and talk to her face to face right now was because he didn't know how to handle this. He didn't know what the hell he was thinking or feeling. He waited for Brooke to pick up the phone and hoped this wasn't Dean Winchester, screwing up.

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"Yeah," Brooke replied. Truthfully, she didn't know how he didn't get tired of it. Being in that small a space all of the time would have made her crazy. "So, we should talk about what happened. That was my great idea. And I don't know what to say."

"I'm a bastard," Dean answered. He pursed his lips, thinking about it a minute. "I don't like Lucas and apparently I'm a fucking jealous bastard."

"There's nothing to be jealous of," she said after a moment. Everyone had their problems. Dean and Sam's...were a lot worse than most people's, but that didn't mean Lucas had been given the perfect life.

"Fine. If you say so," Dean smirked and shook his head. "Then I'm just a dick."

Of course she didn't realize why he was jealous but he'd reached his confessional quota for the day by letting her know he was jealous.

"Well I don't believe that, Dean," Brooke tried. "I pretend I do, because it's what you seem to want. That's how you justify what you say, I go with it for you. But that's not who you are when you don't have an audience."

"I don't know what to tell you then, Brooke," Dean responded. "I tell you I'm jealous. You tell me I don't have a reason to be. I don't have anything to say about that."

"Alright, what are you jealous of?" she asked, knowing she had to turn this around and listen instead of being the one who told him things all of the time. The problem with listening was that the last time she tried it, Dean had called Lucas ungrateful and pissed her off. "Talk to me."

Dean contemplated that for a while, staring hard at the road. He shook his head. "It sure as hell isn't his life." He stopped again with a glance over to Sam to make sure he was still asleep or pretending to be with his earphones on.

"He's your hero and he deserves to be," he finally said in a rush of words. He clammed up immediately after the words were said and almost held his breath waiting to see what she was going to say.

Brooke couldn't think of a thing to say to that. It was true, and she had admitted as much. She couldn't dispute it even if she thought he might believe it. And she didn't want to, because Lucas Scott really was that important to her. "You weren't here," she told him quietly. "He was the one who went to appointments with me and held my hand. He made me feel like I could handle everything that happened, like, I wasn't alone."

That probably wasn't making him feel any better, but she continued. "I didn't give you that chance because I didn't know you. I was so scared, so overwhelmed by everything. That was my mistake, and it was a big one. Now I just...I wish it had been you."

"I get it. I do," Dean responded. "I don't like it but I get it."

There were other things he could say, other things that were on the tip of his tongue to say but he choked them back because really, neither of them needed to go there.

"Okay," she answered. She couldn't expect him to like it. It surprised her that he didn't in the first place, that it mattered. "Why is this important to you?"

"Why do you think it matters, Brooke?" Dean asked.

Okay he was avoiding the question by making her guess but he wasn't hanging up. It was something.

Brooke sighed. She didn't want to guess. She'd guess stupid and she'd guess wrong. "You tell me."

Dean shook his head. The words stuck in his throat. Talking wasn't Dean's strong point. At least not talking about anything that mattered. He took a deep breath and decided to take the round about way to telling her. It took longer but it was a lot easier than coming right out and saying it.

"One time Sammy I hit on this Dijinn. People were disappearing and so we went hunting it. Sammy was asleep and I figured out where it was so I went without him. He doesn't always sleep a lot. Anyway...Dijinn's don't grant wishes. They just make you think they grant them when really they hang you up on some meat hooks and drain your blood little at a time, only you never know it. You think you're in the world with you greatest wish coming true. So this Dijinn touches me and my whole the one thing I wished was Mom hadn't died. I thought if she hadn't died, we'd have this perfect apple pie life," Dean started. He took another breath, pausing for a moment before continuing.

"I thought Dad would be happy and Mom would have been there and Sammy would be in law school at Stanford, married to Jess. And it was like that...sort of. Dad died of a stroke playing softball. He was happy and Mom was...she made the best sandwiches I've ever had and Sammy was at Stanford Law and he'd ask Jess to marry him." Dean paused again and swiped at his eyes.

"I even got something out of the deal. El Sol beer used to have this ad with this pretty girl lying on a beach. In that wish, she loved me. She was a nurse and she wanted a future with me. She wanted a family with me."

He shook his head, a bitter twist coming to his mouth before he went on. "Of course as fucked up as I am, I couldn't leave well enough alone. I kept seeing this girl. She looked half dead and I started researching. All those people we saved...they died because Sam and I weren't there to save them. All the people Dad saved...they died. And Sam and I...we talked on holidays and birthdays."

He stopped and glanced over at Sam. He could see the muscle in Sam's neck jumping and he knew he wasn't asleep but it didn't matter anymore.

"So anyway...I left and there are things about my life that I wouldn't trade for anything but that doesn't mean that I don't still want other things."

"I know that," Brooke said. She wouldn't to argue about him not trading his life for anything, but she couldn't help but remember that he would. He would trade it for his brother's, and he already had.

And she wanted to ask him what that had to do with her. He wanted a pretty girl and a family. She was pretty, she had a family. That didn't mean it had to be her.

"What do you want?"

...oh yeah. She was going to make him say it. Dean leaned his head back and stopped just short of a sigh because Dean Winchester didn't sigh. Instead it comes out a grumble.

"God dammit, Brooke. I want Matthew. I want you. I even want the damn friggin' dog. I want my freak brother living in the guest room. I want to do my job and I want to go back to you and Matthew when it's all said and done. And I don't want it to be some frickin' dijinn or wish world or what the fuck ever else. I want it to be real."

"The life, but..." Brooke trailed off. She was fighting back tears because it was silly to cry over something like this. Maybe he wanted what she did, she couldn't tell. It was too soon to and maybe she just hoped for too much when he was around.

"I want someone who wants me. Not because I should come with the package. You have these ideas about what your perfect life is. You look at me and I know what I am. I'm Matthew's mom." She sighed. "I want someone who wants me on my own."

"You're also a really awesome weekend five years ago," Dean tried to joke.

"Matthew or not...if you wanted me to stay and you'd let me do my job. Let Sammy stay with us, I'd want it." He paused and held his breath for a moment.

"There's a reason out of all the women, I came to see you after I got out of Hell."

"Because I'm a really awesome weekend five years ago," Brooke reminded him. "I know."

"No," Dean told her. "I had a lot of really awesome weekends I could have picked from. You-care and...dammit. I suck at this shit."

"Um yeah, you do," Brooke agreed. She couldn't not now that he had established her awesome weekend wasn't exactly more awesome than any other one he'd had.

"Yeah, well this is what happens when you let me talk," Dean responded. He blew out a breath through his nose. "I say it and your gonna toss my ass out. That's how it goes. I don't say it and you're gonna toss my ass out. I can't win, Brooke."

"You think I can?" she asked him dryly. "I told you about Lucas as look at where that got us."

"Fine. You kick my ass out, you kick it out," Dean growled. "Dammit...Brooke...I love you. I'll pick up the rest of my shit when we get back."

Brooke was stunned into silence at Dean's words. As far as she understood, Dean and Sam didn't even admit to loving each other unless they had to. "Dean--" she started, but she couldn't find anything to say. He'd given her that and now it was hard to process.

Phone Call for giveandforgive [Locked to Brooke]

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